Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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