dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
