i need an iv and a liver transplant
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
