Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
