Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
