North Korea, Best Korea!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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