Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
