I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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