I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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