dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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