Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
