I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
