If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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