Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
