I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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