great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sext me about skeletons
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
