have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
