Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
