I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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