he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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