Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
