Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
