Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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