I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
