There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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