I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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