He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
