Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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