what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sarcasm needs its own font
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
