I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
