I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
