Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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