Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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