return my video game
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
