you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
