Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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