We're facebook friends in real life
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
