Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
