There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
