sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
