Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
