I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
