It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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