i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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