Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
