I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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