1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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