I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
