Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
