i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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