I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
