It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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