I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
