and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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