Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
