I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"it" just moved
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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