Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
