By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
