I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
