lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
