We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This house was built for laser tag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
