A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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