Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
