Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
