D3 body, D1 cock
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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