The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
