Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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