pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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