I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love you. Go after that dick
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
